i'm not me.

okay. now is 5 am. so i decide to not to sleep. because if i sleep, i will likely to miss my subuh prayer. therefore, i must take a safety precaution. that is to stay awake.



and in my head now...


full with formulations............................................. HOW TO SETTLE MY PROBLEM!!!!

i couldn't sleep because of this. damn it. there you go.


i wish i could turn back the time. turn back to the time when i was little and pause at that time for as long as i want. lol. that can't never be.


i have sent two text messages at 4 am. they must think i'm crazy. inaccurately, but yes i am almost not crazy but i am just not me. i hate this feeling. i hate when i have to face it all alone. the messages were sent to my friends..one to rizu and one to zaid. both asking about my problem. because they have changed their first name on the other day. i expect one of them to reply my messages during subuh hour.

i hope i can sleep well tonight. i hope i wil hear good news. 3 hours to 8 am. i will get myself to intec at 8.30 am. i hope mr sohami will be there. if he won't then i'm almost dead.


uwargh. [scream my head off]


i need to calm myself. but i just couldn't. i have tried to sleep but still i can't.

and yes. my sis won't come to my place today. maybe tomorrow or the day after tomorrow or the day after the tomorrow day. her friend wants to bring her to somewhere. ok. i don't mind.

while my friends are enjoying their holiday, i am hardly facing this problems by my own. oh yea, suddenly i reminisce something from the past.


i have done so many wrongdoings. these are among of those that i could never ever forget:

> i broke abah's digital camera on its first week sold. i isolated myself for about 6 hours. haha that was FUNNY.

> i lost the ticket flight to KL and mom has to pay for it. there were some conflict between *** and ***

> i lost my ic, together with some money and atm card. that was during the merdeka night. no merdeka for me. i was intense.

> i dropped my specticles. [where? i can't tell you]


oh. now i feel a bit sleepy. but still my head is full of assumptions. i can't think straight. i feel like to jump to the lake.


i want peace. i want to cry. but it just hard.

+pening+